The pressure or belief of "Having it all" — and how I let go of this illusion
I spent most of my twenties and early thirties treating life like a frantic queue at a buffet.
I wanted everything: a successful career, a visible Instagram profile that everyone would envy, a perfect home, an exciting social life, perfect hair, a fitness routine that would make people ask me, "What's your secret?" and—just for variety—a side job that would eventually become my "true calling."
I told myself it was "ambition."
Looking back, it was more like a chase in which I was both the driver and the cop.
Where does this pressure come from?
If you're a woman in today's world, I don't need to explain the invisible list we have in our heads...
- Be professionally impressive, but at the same time naturally modest.
- Be a caring friend, partner, mother, or daughter... without feeling "burdened."
- Be fit, stylish, and keep up with the latest trends in self-care, but don't be "obsessed" with your appearance.
- Travel. Learn languages. Cook healthy meals from fresh ingredients. Grow your own herbs. Maybe even make your own almond milk.
And if you don't meet all these requirements? Get ready to feel guilty.
I fell into the trap of "having it all" because I thought it was the only way to be respected and admired. I wanted to be the kind of woman who could send a last-minute work proposal at 2 a.m., bake gluten-free cupcakes for a work event, and still show up at brunch the next day in a light linen dress as if I had slept 10 hours.
Spoiler: I never actually managed to do that.
The moment I realized I couldn't go on...
One Tuesday morning, after a long night spent "just on one email," I sat exhausted at my desk, holding a cup of coffee, staring blankly into space... and forgot what I was supposed to do...
I wasn't burned out. I was empty.
That day, I finally asked myself:
"What if the goal isn't to have everything? What if the goal is to have what matters?"
Why the opposite of "having everything" is the real victory
When I started getting rid of "everything," something interesting happened:
Life didn't get smaller. It became clearer.
I realized:
- Time is not infinite. Every "yes" is a "no" to something else — often things that quietly keep us sane.
- Social media is a curated selection of the best. People don't post photos of their kitchen sink after a night of eating tacos.
- Success is very personal. My idea of a fulfilling life will not match yours — and that's the beauty of it.
Ironically, the more I gave up, the more people said things like:
"You look... lighter. Happier."
That's when I understood: you can be an inspiration without being a human trophy.
The joy of simplicity
Simplicity doesn't mean you stop having big dreams. It means you stop chasing everyone else's dreams and start living your own.
And what was my own change?
- I stopped answering work emails after 6 p.m. — and no, my career didn't collapse.
- I donated half of my wardrobe (yes, even the jeans I was saving "for someday").
- I started choosing dinners that were either healthy or easy, but never complicated and guilt-inducing.
Freedom didn't come from doing less, but from doing only what is in line with my values.
A few funny truths I learned...
Multitasking while cooking pasta can result in burnt noodles or a missed Zoom call.
The "demanding" morning routine that influencers show online? It involves lighting candles at 5 a.m. in full makeup.
No one cares if you bought cookies at the store for a party... especially if they taste better than your experimental quinoa brownies.
Motivation to get rid of "everything"
If you feel overwhelmed by the weight of "everything you have," here's your permission to stop.
Your life is not a performance.
Your value isn't measured by what you can do.
And your most attractive and inspiring self is the one who is truly happy — not the one who looks the busiest.
So how do you stick to yours?
Define what "enough" means to you. Write down what a good day looks like for you, not for Instagram.
Learn to say no gently. Saying no is not a failure—it's protecting your time.
Do one thing at a time. Stop dividing your attention between 47 tabs (digital or mental).
Create small rituals of joy.Tea before bed. A five-minute walk at noon. A playlist that gets you going in the kitchen.
Check your WHY. Before you set a new goal, ask yourself: "Is this really mine, or is it what I think I should want?"
Giving up "everything" doesn't mean giving up — it means moving to a higher level.
When you stop chasing the impossible, you can live fully within the realm of the possible. And that's where
the real magic lies.
Has the thought ever crossed your mind—to have it all? What did that mean to you, and what did you actually realize? Do you prefer a peaceful path to fulfillment without racing?
Write your stories in the comments and let's inspire each other...
